Hi here is my website. Did you see this one coming? To be honest, this one is half serious and half a social experiment. Hey, help me propagate the web by linking to this page from your website. Of course, this is my first website, and I might have a more commercial one coming soon. Stay tuned.
Now go back to a blog called "namesake". Before I came to the states, having an English name was very fashionable in college, and it probably still is. Isn't that an indication of openness and adaptation? After I came to the states, the Chinese name seemed to become a liability. Because it was hard to pronounce, I felt sorry for other people for their efforts. So I had an English name, "Robert," in an English class. It never felt right, but that's the best I could do.
Then there was this one older Chinese fellow in my department. I did not like him as a person too much, but I always thought his opinions were of high values. He was quite a sensitive thinker, just like me. So one day he reasoned to me why we should keep our original name, and I thought he was right. So "Robert" went to the history, and I stuck with my name Songhua in all situations from then on. I did realize one advantage: its uniqueness. For example, I have no trouble in picking up email addresses or blog sites based on my first name. Also, the power of sticking with my own name, as if it was a strong statement of independence and identity. Psychologically, while I am not aware of any evidence, I firmly believe that the name could play some tricks on you. Of course, I still make one compromise now. When I am in Starbucks or fast food places, I am "Kevin" or "Erik", just to make things easier for both the cashiers and me.
Really, the more I think about it, the more valuable an asset my name become. So if everything has to have a grand purpose, then my website can be regarded as my small effort to manage this brand name - "Songhua".
Monday, April 16, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
My Crushes (II)
I was about to launch my own website, with a blog entry called "namesake" to accompany it. However, everything is done, but one verification process is stuck now, so I have to wait for a couple days more. You might be surprised to find out what I am up to with this website. Stay tuned.
Okay, back to my crushes. Time flies to my junior middle school. Unlike my first crush experience, this time I experienced the agony of liking someone typical to teenagers. I used to keep one-two sentence diary on my diary book (actually, it was a scheduler). It sometimes read like that, "today I talked to XXX. She laughed at my jokes. I was happy." Or something opposite to that if I had a bad day. Of course, XXX could mean a few girls. Hey, as shy as I was back then, any girls will do.
My interest was mostly on a girl whom I shall call Pincha here. She was nice and pretty. Allow me to jump ahead here. I met her just last year when I visited Beijing, when she was working. Wearing a blue outfit, a blue handbag, and some blue eye-shades, she looked as pretty as before, if not more. Of course, she grew up and now looked capable and professional. I visited her apartment, where she and her boyfriend lived together. They were getting married soon. I looked on the wall, where a large engagement picture was hung. Not exaggeration here, but she can surely pass as a movie star. We watched one episode of a long Korean TV series together.
Flash back to junior high school again. Both she and I were not tall, so we were at the second row, separated by a walking aisle. Four rows in the classroom, and each week we switched rows (1 became 2, 2 became 3, 3 became 4 and 4 became 1). You can imagine how I hated the week when I was in 1 and she was in 4. However, even in weeks when we were only separated by an aisle, we did not talk too much. Most of the opportunities were when we discussed the answers to different problem sets. One other topic is TV. When I found out some TV shows she was watching, I would watch those shows religiously also ("People on the Edge" and "Tokyo Love Story" are two that I can remember of now). Just to have some topics with her. Sometimes she did not get a chance to watch one episode, so I would fill her in during the lunch break.
I think that was the second year of my junior high school years. I tried to think of some good birthday gift for her (Given that I still remembered that, I must have put a lot of thoughts in it). Eventually, I got this small plastic box containing 4 little yellow chicks in it (sorry, it might be a gift she sent me for my birthday. I could not remember exactly). But that was not the main surprise. I actually asked her whether she was free in her birthday. She said yes, and I said I would visit her. I showed up at home, with an audio cassette. That day, we sang songs together and recorded a full cassette. We made a double in the end and each of us kept one copy. I kept my copy until I finished college and was leaving for the States.
So where did I come up this silly idea of recording songs on a cassette for birthday? I do not know. I believe at that time I must have thought that is the best idea in the world. Think about it (The gift was special, unique, one of a kind, with each other's voice on it. What if we get married eventually and showed that to our grandkids? How romantic your grandparents used to be!) Anyway, I do not think anyone in the world knew this episode (of course Pincha and maybe some of her close friends. But hey, who still remember that?), but now you know that. Believe it or not, if you tease me with this episode, I will still brush.
Now it was the final days of junior middle school. We had the photo day. I vividly remember that she had a new coffee-colored long skirt, completely standing out from the crowd (You have to keep in mind that the girls in my junior high school dressed quite conservatively. Their bodies were changing, but they tried hard to hide them). Before then, "cute" or "pretty" was how I categorized girls, and now I had a new dimension called "beautiful."
We got in the same senior high school. We remained as good friends. I visited her home once a while, and knew her parents quite well (Actually, two years ago when I went back home, Pincha and I planned to meet. Pincha told me that her father was in hospital, and I actually visited her father with a bunch of flowers. Very sketchy!). For a while, I wanted her to know my crush on her when I was in high school. However, as times passed by, I began to stop caring. I convinced myself: I have bigger dreams to pursue, so committing to a relationship is the last thing I want to do. This covered up the real reason: my inability to take any risks in intimate relationships.
Until this day, I am not sure when she knew my secret crush back in middle school. I suspect that she (or even her parents) knew along. Isn't the cassette thing obvious enough?
Okay, back to my crushes. Time flies to my junior middle school. Unlike my first crush experience, this time I experienced the agony of liking someone typical to teenagers. I used to keep one-two sentence diary on my diary book (actually, it was a scheduler). It sometimes read like that, "today I talked to XXX. She laughed at my jokes. I was happy." Or something opposite to that if I had a bad day. Of course, XXX could mean a few girls. Hey, as shy as I was back then, any girls will do.
My interest was mostly on a girl whom I shall call Pincha here. She was nice and pretty. Allow me to jump ahead here. I met her just last year when I visited Beijing, when she was working. Wearing a blue outfit, a blue handbag, and some blue eye-shades, she looked as pretty as before, if not more. Of course, she grew up and now looked capable and professional. I visited her apartment, where she and her boyfriend lived together. They were getting married soon. I looked on the wall, where a large engagement picture was hung. Not exaggeration here, but she can surely pass as a movie star. We watched one episode of a long Korean TV series together.
Flash back to junior high school again. Both she and I were not tall, so we were at the second row, separated by a walking aisle. Four rows in the classroom, and each week we switched rows (1 became 2, 2 became 3, 3 became 4 and 4 became 1). You can imagine how I hated the week when I was in 1 and she was in 4. However, even in weeks when we were only separated by an aisle, we did not talk too much. Most of the opportunities were when we discussed the answers to different problem sets. One other topic is TV. When I found out some TV shows she was watching, I would watch those shows religiously also ("People on the Edge" and "Tokyo Love Story" are two that I can remember of now). Just to have some topics with her. Sometimes she did not get a chance to watch one episode, so I would fill her in during the lunch break.
I think that was the second year of my junior high school years. I tried to think of some good birthday gift for her (Given that I still remembered that, I must have put a lot of thoughts in it). Eventually, I got this small plastic box containing 4 little yellow chicks in it (sorry, it might be a gift she sent me for my birthday. I could not remember exactly). But that was not the main surprise. I actually asked her whether she was free in her birthday. She said yes, and I said I would visit her. I showed up at home, with an audio cassette. That day, we sang songs together and recorded a full cassette. We made a double in the end and each of us kept one copy. I kept my copy until I finished college and was leaving for the States.
So where did I come up this silly idea of recording songs on a cassette for birthday? I do not know. I believe at that time I must have thought that is the best idea in the world. Think about it (The gift was special, unique, one of a kind, with each other's voice on it. What if we get married eventually and showed that to our grandkids? How romantic your grandparents used to be!) Anyway, I do not think anyone in the world knew this episode (of course Pincha and maybe some of her close friends. But hey, who still remember that?), but now you know that. Believe it or not, if you tease me with this episode, I will still brush.
Now it was the final days of junior middle school. We had the photo day. I vividly remember that she had a new coffee-colored long skirt, completely standing out from the crowd (You have to keep in mind that the girls in my junior high school dressed quite conservatively. Their bodies were changing, but they tried hard to hide them). Before then, "cute" or "pretty" was how I categorized girls, and now I had a new dimension called "beautiful."
We got in the same senior high school. We remained as good friends. I visited her home once a while, and knew her parents quite well (Actually, two years ago when I went back home, Pincha and I planned to meet. Pincha told me that her father was in hospital, and I actually visited her father with a bunch of flowers. Very sketchy!). For a while, I wanted her to know my crush on her when I was in high school. However, as times passed by, I began to stop caring. I convinced myself: I have bigger dreams to pursue, so committing to a relationship is the last thing I want to do. This covered up the real reason: my inability to take any risks in intimate relationships.
Until this day, I am not sure when she knew my secret crush back in middle school. I suspect that she (or even her parents) knew along. Isn't the cassette thing obvious enough?
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