Honesty

I haven't blogged for a while. But each time I blog, I have to ask myself a tough question: Do I need to be all honest, especially now I know I have readers? The question tears me apart, because it is not good timing right now to disclose some of my secrets. Of course, I never lied on this blog, but I just do not mention certain things. At least two things in my mind right now fall into this category. They sorta bother me once a while. I will try to make an effort to say them out loud in the forum in the near future. But now I am not ready yet.

Just finish the last dance rehearsal this quarter. Now I am preparing for tomorrow's trip. Hoping that I am one of the people who actually make the world a better place. The above three thoughts are so not related, but they just got across my mind a minute before, so I have to write them down in their original piece. I watched the last piece of my public speeches. Some parts are quite amusing, and I think I could make some benign jokes about my public speech in the future. But for one thing, I seem to enjoy public speech now. I hope my personality will shine through my speech in the future, just like in my dance.

Got the House Manager job in terra next year. Quite excited. Partly by the job itself, but more importantly, I feel that I am getting a last piece of my youthful years. After that, I am leaving for the adult world for good. Being a professional, earning a living by myself or with somebody I love, no more stereotype of "sketchy graduate student", no more weekly dance rehearsal. Welcome to a more boring life though. To be honest, I am very much scared by the reality of leaving for the adult world. What would I do? How would I fit? Will I regret my past? Did I pick the right path? Will I go crazy by the pressures or by the feeling of non-achievements? Will my cynicism ruin all the funs in the life so that my future memoir will be full of internal struggle of thoughts but without real stories to tell (like I am doing in the blog most of the time). I do not know, for real. And I am scared.