after a long hiatus

Haha, a new quarter finally starts, and I am as happy as hell. Allow me here to laugh out loud before I dig into petty details. Hahaha.

So what s happening? Well, a lot to catch up. First of all, remember in one of the older blogs in which I said I had kept some secrets for a long time? Well, it is finally the time. I took LSAT test three days ago. I did well. The whole plan is that while applying for a academic job in sociology, I will also set my eyes on top laws school. The possible outcomes of either choice make any speculation impossible, but my bottom line is: whichever path gives me a “top” choice, I will go for it. It has been awful to keep this secret away from even my closest friends for so long, and it really made me feel like a bad person and a liar. And now I am ready to put every bit of the secret behind and enjoy life and enjoy friendship guilt-free.

For those of you who are still interested in my “friend series”, sorry about the long hiatus. I have to admit that I ran out of materials for a while. Now the school starts again, and I am making new friends and reconnect with some old folks, the series is poised to continue. Actually, I have had some great ideas about the next several blogs. Please stay tuned. But for the next couple of weeks, I will need to finish another chapter of my dissertation in order to do well on the job market, regardless whether I am going to take it.

Start a Spanish class. Me lloma Songhua. Y tu? Did I just get you off guard? Anyway, sometimes I do not understand myself on this: Why I am okey with spending time in learning new skills, but have no desire to get to know the real world at all? Upon knowing my law school plan, one friend asked, “oh, my, how long you plan to stay in school?” Well, it might just be my inertia. Since learning things from books gave me so much advantages throughout my school career, I am now locked in this learning mode. The illusion is that learning from books will hone my skills of learning from real world in the future. True or false I do not know, and only thing I know is to get my finger crossed.

I get much done recently. Amazingly I am sleeping 6-7 hours a day, and I am just doing fine without dozing off in classes. I guess that’s an indication of my getting of the “depression” list. Last year I think I need 8 hours of sleep but still feel tired. Some days I am still feeling not super good, but I guess it is just like most other people. That girl and I sorta re-establish our friendship. We had some good time chatting, and I do not really care about the incidents at all, and I hope she forgot about it too. But on a side note, if I am not attractive to her (who seems to share so much with me), what kind of hope I have to attract any girls? For now, I accept this as a settled fact but than trying hard to disprove it, but it makes myself sad no less. Really, it only needs one girl to change my over-sweeping statement, and I hope it is going to happen soon.

I am a person with prejudice. For example, I think a lot of people around are stupid or lazy. However, is it okey to be fake and not hurtful? Or it is better to tell the truth, be sharp but offend people? Or I really need to change myself into a less prejudicing version? If possible, I want to pick the last path, but it is so impossible, so usually I will pick the second when I began to get comfortable around people. I will tell person A, “Hey, I think person B is stupid.” And then person A will try to educate me, saying it is an awful thing to say. So I have two choices again. One, next time be fake. Or two, stopping talking this way to A (maybe say “f*** you” along the way) while maintaining my sharp criticism against everyone else. The second path makes me a lesser person, but really, that is me.