Last Mother's day, I blogged about my mom. And again, happy mother's day. I will not call you, as it will feel pretentious on your part. Besides, I do not have much to say anyway. I would rather be a bad son than living in an awkward moment. After the biology class, I begin to understand my pre-natal environment (a.k.a. my mom's stomach) determined who I am. Quite scary, as if the worst curse for a bad son is: to allow the time reverse, the mom stressed herself out during pregnancy, so that to guarantee the bad son would suffer from depression. That's the darkest implication of what I've learned this quarter.
Some small summeries about my life. Since this is my 200th entries, I deserve to have a summary, don't you think? My dad will be coming to visit. I know it is probably his most glorious moment in his retirement, I want him to get visa and plan travels smoothly. On the other hand, I do not think I would enjoy too much the time when my dad is visiting. Just do not have too much to talk to my dad. I do not think he would ever understand me and vice versa. But, if I can pretend to be enjoying the time throughout, then he will be happy and I will be happy eventually, knowing he is easily deceived. Anyway, complicated feelings.
I think I have found my identity. Cannot name my idnetity for sure, but I know I get more comfortable with my body, my thoughts, my logic, my feelings and the world around me. Sometimes, I lip-synched outloud, sometimes I moved my body with the music, I told people my so-called secrets, I said "hi" to people without being too shy, I talked about myself without judging before-hand-"how other people gonna react to this." These might be nothing to a lot of people, but for me, they are great leap forward. I've fought my own demons all the time, and I begin to see the chance of winning.
On another hand, my personal relationship takes another dip. Nothing major, but it just gets a little bit annoying. Why me again?
Run No. 129 this afternoon. I think I am physically ready for tomorrow's performance, during which I might be honored because I am graduating this year.
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1 comment:
Followed your blog journey from the beginning. It's understandable that different people has different view of their parents and of the relationship since everyone has different path. However, I kinda think that in order to improve your relationship with them you need to make extra efforts. (Sorry, maybe I shouldn't say this. Of course you might already have tried many times and maybe right now you don't want to do it anymore. Just think blood-tie is strong and mutual understanding is important and sensitivity or maybe I should say too-sensitivity in family relationship is easily to get hurt.)
Just a thought.
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