yeah, I have to. I did some thinkings this afternoon, and half way through the book of "five people you meet in the heaven". I am not sure I will change my atheism belief ever, since it is just over naive to explain everything mysterious into a almighty god. But I does feel life is so full of mystery that I gave up on my rationality to explain them all.
I jogged today. I felt every step I hit on the ground, it took with my energy, as if I have so much emotions that I just gave them all back to the earth. And I did not feel as tired. To the end, I even have a feeling that how good it is to just keep running since you would not be bothered by everything except your heavy breath. Do not mistake this note as my frustration of love. Not at all, or at least it is not how I think I feel. It is just a burst of energy that could carry me for a while.
But I does have a dirty little secret now. I was in a meeting this morning, so I turned off my cellphone and totally forgot to turn it on this afternoon. Then the girl called and had to leave a message. I heard it later afternoon, and suddenly had a strange idea of not erasing it. No, I am not perverted so something, not at all. I just want to have something external that really recorded what I went through this quarter, and I even doubt I would ever listen to it again. It is just my idealistic version of story: there has to be something as prove that we have lived. Strange, isn't it, but it is me. And no more denial to my version of world, which is distorted by my ideas and rationality, but it worths talking about, isn't it?
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