Tuesday, February 08, 2005

a summary

I am quite busy recently, so no time for blog. Here I post an email I sent to a friend. It is a summary of my life since last quarter. Nothing new if you have been following my blogs. Here you go.

A lot of my stories were described there, and I feel almost sorry to summerize themhere, because the summary will totally wipe out how I felt right at that moment and small details which probably would have lasting effects. Anyway, I will try to summarize to you anyway.

Last quarter was very difficult to me (I am still not sure how wellI've recovered since. Maybe 100%, maybe 50%, who knows). I ran into big troubles in writing dissertation, and then I found I really liked a girl who was my good friend that time. My impression was that she did not have a boyfriend, so I let her know. But it turned out her had one. This made me very embarrassed. At the same time, the trip last summer I saw some troubles back home that made me angry.... Things added up, and I began to find that I was losing control of my life. So I went to phychological counselling, for nine weeks. I am still not sure how much help it gave to me, but I surely began to reflect on the past 4 years andbegin to gain an objective view about myself and my expectations.

Anyway, back to the girl story. Not much happened after that. Both of us attempted to be good friends again, and things kept falling apart. We met once late last quarter and had a nice conversation over lunch, but I felt very bad afterwards. So I gave up on initiating any meetings in thef uture. I still ran into her once a while on campus now, but I do not think I like her any more. How can I keep liking her if she does not like back? But still, some barriers have been set between us, and we can no longer go back to the relationship we had before. I feel a little sad about it, but I decided to let it go.

So it seems that my life took a small splash and now is back to theground zero. But I tend to see it otherwise. I learn some strategies of coping stresses, and also better ideas of who I am. I also feel good that I let the girl know about my feeling. I am sad that things do not work out in the end as I would like to, but at least I've explore the possibilities. I believe I am a quite different person from the one before. But of course, time is the only one who can judge whether the last statement is true or not.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

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