Fridge Clean-up Dude-elected

Let me get back to the blog. I haven't seriously blogged for a while. I expected to continue on my friend Mayre, but she never called me back. So the sequel would be a little delayed. But I have something else to say.
First, I am re-elected as Fridge Clean-up Dude for soc department. People do not like even to run for it, but I do. It only takes an hour a quarter to clean the fridge, but you get name recognition. The best part: you can legitimately send an email to the whole soc list and bug everyone to take care of their food in the fridge. I just love it. Besides, as you will see in the following, I am having fun along the way. The whole email is drafted during my run today. I guess I am a funny man after all.

"Hi:

So, the main idea is: please take care of your food before you leave for summer vacation. Because, you know what, I am again your fridge clean-up dude! It's time for summer cleaning.

If you want to kill some time other than taking care of your food, please read on my acceptance speech.

**********************************

After getting an imaginary concession phone call from my solo competitor, I accept to be your fridge clean-up dude-elect. I want to say to you,"The voice of sociology is heard today. Now I have earned the capital, and it is my style to spend it right away.

It was a rough year. After the hunt for weapon of mass decomposition went nowhere, several food-stealing scandels rocked my administration, and several of my old friends pointed out that I went to bars drinking instead of showing up for my TA service, I am elected again. I cannot think of any person in recent history who pulled out such a giant victory.

Some of you already asked me about my secrets for success. Well, let me answer it here once and for all. As my strategy guru Victor Thompson put it, it is all about turning out the "sunless belt" votes (that is, the basement block). No clean-up dudes in my memory won election without carrying the sunless belt. Deep down, it is all about value. Whether you value a windowless office, or prefer an office with a window, a view, or even a balcony (I mean you, the elitists up there!)

I am planning a summer offensive right now. With no pressure for re-election next year, I am going to do something radical. I know some of you are planning to read your dissertation non-stop in the kitchen to filibuster my action. Well, you have had your days before. This time, I
won't allow that. My nuclear option right now is to get rid of it altogether.

So label your food or throw it away. I am planning to inch in block by block in the fridge, even in lack of heavy armor on my face to fend off food odor. And by the way, you do not want your food to show up on the cover of an obscure English magazine, do you?

God bless.

Songhua"