A weekend!

Hi, kids, I am here again, happy about the weekend. The small obligations combined to make me hard to breath, and at least now I am feel a sigh of relief since I have two days to finish up unfinished business. However, things still keep piling up even over the weekends, so I really need to glue my ass on the chair and do things one after another.

My advisor emailed me a minute ago. Obviously, he got to know the job offer from someone else and asked what I think. Damn, I thought I can have a better answer for him than the one I had now (I do know knpw). I tried to hide the news from him so that I will have some time to see other options and wait for other opportunities. Now I may hold on for one more day and just give him a damn and indecisive answer. That's not the image I want him to have of me.

Stretched out for sure, but am I stressed out? Hell no. I felt alive, mainly because of my friends I made in the past year or two. For good or bad, I slowly lost the connections with my chinese fellows that used to be my only network. I do not even think of calling them at all at any more. Maybe I just do not care any more. Maybe I just happened to know too many of their imperfections and found out that I had alternatives to them. For example, I know one person is never honest, and the other friends seem to keep the eyes closed. I was the one to shout out "the emperor does not have clothes on," but that only ruined everyone's good feeling. Another friend was only friend when your status is high, but easily abandoned you when you are not. Yet another..... Fuck. I admit that I am imperfect, but I wouldn't trade my integrity for anything! So here I am. On this crossroad, I feel the constellation of the people around me shifting and shifting. Sometimes I feel nostagia, but more often than not, I find myself much enpowered, because I have options on friends now.

I do not know why I want to be so negative in this blog now, because originally I intends to praise my new friends. One friend especially deserves mentioning: a girl from my dance group. She embodies almost all virtues I value much, and she just treated me with a lunch. Also, another crazy girl in the group. We just played around so much that I was no longer sexualized with her. Another male friend is the one of the two persons who actually know the reason of my Hangzhou trip (besides my blog readers).

I called home yesterday. My parents just purchased a new apartment. It costs a fortune, but it all worths it. My dad told me one reason is to have face among his colleagues, and I was quite touched by his honesty. I know it was hard for him to tell me (or everyone else) about this "shameful" reason, and I am happy that he began to treat me as an adult now. Thanks, dad. I chipped in some money to help them out. But I know more importantly, they can earn faces by telling friends and relatives that "our son gave us money from the US to buy the apartment." This is quite laughable, but it comforts me just by imagining their happiness of saying that.

Also, I accidentally read an English blog of a friend. She used to have a blog of Chinese, and I read that blog regularly. The Chinese blog is just too neat: every emotion is processed and thought through, and each entry could be a text-book essay. Every time I read it, I had to wonder, what is she REALLY thinking about? Obviously, I am a bigger fan of her English blog, because I can just take the words and sentence as they are. I guess that's also the reason why I keep an English blog. It is just now sincere I want to be while blogging, and I do not want to my native language to mess it up with all its subtlety, nuance and weird connotations. Sometimes, knowing less and knowing more.

Now it is time to paint the chair. I started two weeks ago, and now it is time to finish it!