The point is.....

Sometimes I will have the impulse to ask, "what's the point of doing this and that?" Very difficult question to answer, because if you dig deeper and deeper, nothing has a point, unless you have some religious or spiritual beliefs that can relieve you from pushing yourself too hard on reasoning. Days go by without this sort of question, but it hits me once a while. Why am I doing dance? Why I take the shitty job in Tressider Gym in 7-9am shift? Why I want to be House Manager for my co-op next year? Why I want to be the Safeway Runner? Why I go jogging once a while? Why I write this blog while I can do some required readings instead? Why I do small talks with my good friends? Why do I hang out with people who I am not fond of? Why I ..... have to be me?
I guess the only answer I can offer right now is that I want the experiences. I know, it is the last resort: if nothing has a point, then non-pointness itself has to have some meanings. For example, with dance, I experience my body in a unique way; with the shitty job, I feel i am experiencing college as those students from blue-collar families; With House Manager thing, i hope I can experience managing a big family, sort of; With jogging, I experience the great agony while running and great relief afterwards; with my friends or non-friends, I experience the mystery of being in a community-while everyone is alone deep-down, people interact to deny their ultimate loneliness; with being me, I experience joy and sadness just like I will experience.
I do know why I am writing this blog. Everything is triggered after I came back from the early morning shift in gym. I am tired and have to have some tea to keep me afloat (Still, I have been resisting coffee in the past half year since the autumn depression), and began to question whether it all worths it? I do not really care about the shitty salary, but what for? Well, my tentative answer is that it is, but for no reasons other than an unfalsifiable proposition that I need the experience. And that's the closest thing I can come up with to secure my self-esteem, adn I am happy I can shut out my rationality in answering this question.