Hi, it is Friday, April 15, 2005. I am at the Starbucks, trying to get some work done. I need to present my dissertation proposal to the workshop next next Monday, by which date I also need to finish a paper, which will be presented on early May. You can say I am leading a busy life. But I want to procrastinate first, as a reward for my hard work earlier this week. So I am writing this post, later to be published in my dear blog.
I began to feel my knee pain after today’s dance class. Not real pain, but just began to feel I can no longer do some movement effortlessly. I know I am near the point that I have to begin to think of alternatives to dance performance in the near future. Of course, I will do it when I am still able to, with my high spirit as always.
I saw Brey (still remember him, everyone?) today outside of education school library. He was eating a sandwich during his work break. He looked very tired, and later I found his girlfriend had broken up with him. I insisted to hang out with him sometime this weekend. He was so depressed and so afraid of being alone that he took a ride with his friend to LA last night and then flew back this morning. He also told me that he tried to make an appointment with the medical clinic. The clinic told him to call back next week. Well, I have to say that the relationship is unrealistic to begin with. Maybe I am too realistic and un-matching to his passionate pursue, but in his case, it is as if he wants to play tennis by himself but still wants to make it a good game. How possible? For me, I want to be with someone to whom I feel comfortable and from whom I feel I am needed. If I feel that I am crushed by her beauty, cannot live when she is away and cannot breathe when she is present, that is a luxury I will surely treasure, but I can definitely live without. So Brey, I guess I will try to check upon you this weekend to make sure you won’t be left by yourself for so long to play out those crazy “what if” scenarios. Maybe you are stronger that I think, but I bet you not.
I went to art gallery today. One of my housemate has an exhibition, so I have to go see. She is one of the cool bunch, but I seem to have troubles even talking to her, because, of course, I am uncool. What’s why I am curious about her art. Well, how should I say? Her art of painting was so depressing that I could sense the air of death. She “little people” are very lonely in the painting. Even if they were together in the same frame, they were surrounded by different shades colors, as if they were living in different worlds, communicating but never touching, talking but never caring. This world is so intolerable that death almost seems to be a very peaceful thought. Well, at least that is my interpretation. It could be wrong, but at least her art is thought-provoking.
Ok, it is time to bring another installment of “my friends”. Irisa, okey, that’s her name. She has been my modern dance teacher for at least 3-4 years. How should I describe her? “A warm heart beneath cold appearance”, it is. If you just started to take her class, either you like her professionalism, or you hate her to be so impersonal. Some inside-information: One girl told me that after the first class last quarter, some girls were crying in the locker room because of Irisa’s toughness. As a guy, I never felt I was crushed like that, but I did feel uncomfortable sometimes. Irisa, why cannot you smile more?
Well, I guess a person is like a product. When it is extraordinary, it must come with some flaws to make it unique. I believe that’s what happened to Irisa. When you begin to know her, you have to believe she is extraordinary. I never see any faculty members so devoted the way she did. She tried very hard to reach out to students and tell them all the performance opportunities. Twice, she drove us to some dance festivals to participate performing. What’s more, she made the performance happen. When some lazy-ass choreographers cannot come, Irisa is always available to sub. Over the holidays, she will arrange to open the door of the studio. Of course, she used to dance with Merce’s company, which further put her in the cool bunch.
I doubted I would’ve gone that far in dancing without her. She always told me that I did a great performance, even though I was not. Ha, you know what, I loved her sincere lies. Typical human flaws, I know, but that’s my problem of being so superficial. She even told me that I did a great job in rolling the dice for Merce’s performance. Are you kidding me? How hard is it for a Ph.D. student to roll the dice and announce a sentence? But I love Irisa so much because of that!
Ok, up to day, it is 10 friends already. ABCDEFGHIN! Twenty-six more to go, Mmmmmhahahhaaa!
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